This week marked the two year anniversary of Miss E's diagnosis of type 1 diabetes, just a few weeks earlier Lil Miss C's one year anniversary of her type 1 diabetes diagnosis passed. This month I have felt the weight of D sitting on my shoulders, we don't do anything to "celebrate" the date of their diagnosis...in fact, we don't even tell the girls when that date is upon us. That is why what happened the other night with Miss E was so upsetting to me.
It was just before bedtime and I was about to give the girls their Lantus. As I was getting ready to give Miss E her shot she looked at me with the saddest eyes, sat on the kitchen floor and began to cry. She started to tell me that she didn't want diabetes anymore, she wanted to be "regular" like her daddy and mommy. She said that she wanted to go back to the way she used to be when she was little...now remember, she is only 4 years old and she is talking about her life before diabetes. It broke my heart, this wasn't the first time she has done this. Almost a year ago we had a similar conversation with her... I will save that story for another post. But it felt like I had stepped back in time and was reliving that awful night with her. She rarely complains about diabetes, which is why it caught me off guard that evening.
My husband and I make a strong effort to never speak badly about diabetes in front of her or her sister, we don't want them to feel ashamed, different, sick or broken...we try to lift them up, give the girls a positive image about themselves. I know that even with the efforts that we make, Miss E will still see the differences in herself from others. Like how she says she wants to be like me and her daddy, she knows we don't take insulin, we don't check our blood sugar... she does.
It took all of my strength not to break down and cry with her on that kitchen floor, all I could do was hold her, tell her how much I loved her and give her hugs. I saved my tears for after she was asleep. I asked her to always tell me what she was feeling and that mommy would be there for her. She then asked me if her diabetes would go away when she grew up...man diabetes sucks!
So that night as I was sitting in Lil Miss C's rocking chair, waiting for her to drift off to sleep I realized that it was Miss E's 2 year anniversary with T1...it had almost passed and I hadn't even thought about it until I was sitting there reflecting on Miss E's conversation with me earlier. It amazes me how quickly time passes, in that same sentence I will dare to say that it has also been the longest two years of my life.
So...two years down, and many, many more to go...