Friday, April 2, 2010

The Beginning- Part 2

Miss E was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes in April of 2008, she was just two years old and it was the most difficult time our family had ever been through. I can tell you that I felt I was tested in each and everyway possible, I remember grieving for my daughter in a way that was so intense and so painful it is difficult to put into words. I realize that alot of people hear that your child is diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and they think.."Hey, no big deal right? Just feed her right and make sure she is active and she'll be okay."


Unfortunately most people know very little if anything about type 1 diabetes...I sadly, was one of those people before my daughters diagnosis. One comment that still rings in my ear, "She will grow out of it some day, won't she?" Oh how I wish this were the truth, no, she won't grow out of it. She will have this for the rest of her life until there is a cure, that is a hard pill to swallow. I remember right after she was diagnosed, Lil Miss C was just six months old and I was still up with her every few hours and up all hours of the night...this worked out great for me because I felt like I could monitor Miss E in the evening hours and feel comfortable that she was safe. I had been looking forward to the day when Lil Miss C would finally sleep through the night and I could finally get some real sleep, the problem with this was that when that time came...I couldn't sleep through the night because I needed to check Miss E at 3:00 am every night! And even on those rare nights when her blood sugars had been great, I couldn't sleep anyways because I was terrified of what might happen to my daughter if I didn't check in on her!

About the only peace I had was when I would lay Lil Miss C down to sleep at night, I remember putting her in her crib, kissing her cheek and saying "night, night baby girl. Mommy loves you." Turning off her light and knowing that at least I didn't have to worry about her tonight.

Those comforting thoughts were short lived because 11 months and two weeks after type 1 diabetes entered our lives, we were confronted with what I thought was the impossible...Lil Miss C was admitted to the hospital at 18 months old and diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, it was in April of 2009. Not even one year later!!! Curse you diabetes!!! To say that I was utterly and completely devestated is the understatement of the year, I was knocked off my feet, kicked in the gut, rip my heart out and stomp on the ground crushed! I was numb with sorrow...I can say that now, almost one year later because looking back on that time I realize that most of it was and is a complete blur. I still don't sleep much, I am still terrified everynight that I lay my head down on my pillow because my worst fear is that I will go into one of my babies rooms and find them unresponsive...or worse. Sometimes I feel that I am being overprotective, but I cannot imagine what would happen to me if the worst were to happen to them. I love my kids more than anything in the world and I will do everything in my power to protect them and keep them healthy, even at my own expense. My girls are very young, they will have alot of years ahead of them, that gives diabetes a good head start to wreak havoc on their tiny bodies.

Writing these words down is incredibly difficult for me, they are thoughts that are with me often, but I don't speak them. On the rare occasion that I voice my deepest fears to my closest loved ones, I become a puddle of tears and I cannot take the pain that comes with that. I want to be strong, but diabetes is a tough opponent, I will not be defeated no matter how hard the battle is...I will always rise up against this disease with the gloves laced up and my fighting face on.

My biggest challenge lately is accepting diabetes for what it is. I don't ever want my girls to feel like they are in a fight for their lives...I want to do it for them right now. I'm not trying to be dramatic, but complications from diabetes is one of the leading causes of death in the United States, it is serious. When they are older I hope to share with them the reality of this disease without putting the fear of God in them, but right now, I just want them to be kids.


  1. Connie, I read a lot of diagnosis stories. They are always hard to read...each heartbreaking. But yours my dear, yours has hit me hard. Two babies. Two babies. I'm speechless. I know what your days are like. I know what your nights are like, and it breaks my heart to KNOW what you go through.

    Man I am happy you started a blog! It is the best outlet in the world! So many moms are out there who understand, who can give you a "Amen sistah!" Would you mind if I introduced you to my D mom peeps on my blog? I wish I had them when I was a couple years into our diabetic life...I hate that I waited 11 years to start blogging. Let me know if it's ok with you. A big group of us are also on facebook...look me up if you are on, I can introduce you to the "family." Wonderful woman, most with very little ones like yourself.

    ((Hugs)) to you my new friend. I'm glad you found me. :)

    Much love,
    Meri Schuhmacher

  2. THANK YOU MERI!!! You were the first blog that I came across after Miss E was diagnosed and I remember thinking, WOW! How does she do it? At the time I couldn't even begin to understand what it takes to parent more than one child with diabetes let alone three! When I was faced with both of my girls being diagnosed with diabetes I felt more afraid and alone then I had ever felt, I would go to your blog and others to read the words that I so often felt. Your blog gave me hope. Thank you for your kind words and support.

    I would love for you to introduce me to all of your D moms :) I look forward to getting to know all of you. Thanks for the encouragement!

  3. Hi Connie,

    I found you through a comment you left on Meri's blog. Just wanted to say welcome to the D-mom blogging world! This is definitely THE best support I have found!

    My son, Zane, was dx with T1 at 18 months old and is now 3 years old. So, I have been in your shoes! Although, I only have one with D at this time.

    I also have a non-D daughter, Savannah. She is 17 months old now and I am terrified that she will be dx too. She shows signs off and on. I am definitely keeping an eye on her.

    I look forward to getting to know you through your blog. And like Meri said, there is a huge group of us on FB as well. Feel free to find me. :)

    Tracy Ripley

  4. WELCOME CONNIE!!!!!!!!!!!!

    It's an honor to add you to the list of incredible D Moms who support each other in Blogland :)

    I have 3 daughters -- my oldest is almost 7 and was dx nearly 5 years ago, at the age of 24 months. She was dx with celiac in 12/08...I was dx with celiac in 9/09.

    My middle daughter (4) scares me now and then, but her numbers have been baby (3) hasn't given me any cause for concern thus far.

    Anyway, hugs to you and your wonderful family!

    I'm on FB too...find one of us and chances are really good you'll find all of us!

    Wendy (Allen) Rose

  5. I'm so happy to have found happy you have found US! THIS world, the momma blogging world, is what keeps me going every single day! My feelings about D now, and diagnosis is just the same as you describe. :(

    I was dx'd T1 at the age of 28 in 2006...9mo later my Maddison was dx'd at age 6. Being that my Dad was also T1 (age 32) I was well aware from the beginning what D was about...or, so I thought! D for kids is SO MUCH MORE than I EVER could have imagined.....

    Please stay close. D moms are the BEST, most supportive people on the planet. I can't tell you how many times kind words from these moms have picked me up and literally carried me through heart ache. We will ALWAYS be here for each other, all of us, always. ((HUGS))

  6. Tracey, Wendy & Kelly,

    Thank you all for visiting my blog and welcoming me into this new "family" with wide open arms :) I look forward to getting to know you all and learning more about your stories.

    Thank you soooo much for giving me that wonderful introduction! You are a true sweetheart!

  7. Connie,

    Welcome to the club that nobody wants to be a part of, but includes some of the best people I've ever had the pleasure to "meet". My daughter Elise was dx at the age of 12 months, and she's 2 1/2 now. Having a baby with D brings on it's own set of issues, as I'm sure you are well too aware of. I'm glad Meri introduced you, and I'm looking forward to getting to know more about you and your family. You can find my blog at Do you mind if I add you to my blog list?

  8. Helloooo Connie,
    I think you stopped by my blog already because of that "DAMN Art Teacher" :)

    I can so relate to the fear of not getting up to check each night. I would love a full nights sleep, but if I didn't set the alarm... my eyes would never close anyways.

    I am glad you started blogging. It lets out a WHOLE.LOT.OF.STRESS!! Not to mention the awesome ladies you meet :)

    Can't wait to hear more about you guys.

  9. Hi Connie,
    My daughter, Emma, was dx with diabetes in April of 2009 and with Celiac Disease in January of 2010. I am a newcomer to this amazing group of ladies myself, and I night when I can't sleep I sit up reading their blogs and crying because they sound just like me and I know that someone else gets it! Welcome!
    we are at

  10. Hey Connie,
    My daughter Jada, now 6.5 was diagnosed in August 2009. I also have another daughter, Erin who is five. Welcome to the blogging world. This is a wonderful groups of moms and dads to be with. I second what others have said....find us on Facebook!

  11. Hi Connie,
    I'm so glad that "we" have found you - and I hope that you find as much comfort with this group of great D-Moms & Dads as I have.
    I have 2 daugthers with T1 as well, my oldest was dx'd at 22 months when I was 6wks preggers with #2, our youngest was also diagnosed at 22 months. That second diagnosis for me was harder to accept, I haven't tried to explain it yet, but it seemed more personal. We're almost 4 years into this kiddo sized roller coaster ride(btw, did I mention that my hubby also has T1?).
    Just know that you're in a safe place to vent, cry and with people that "know" what your days and nights are truly like.

    Hugs to your family!

  12. Welcome Dear Friend,

    Your diagnosis stories touched is always so hearbreaking to read them. ((HUGS)) to you.

    My son Joe was diagnosed 3 1/2 years ago when he was 3 years old. He is on a pump and we are trialing the DEXCOM CGM.

    You are going to love all the gals and guys here in the blog-hood. There is so much support out here.

    You can find me at

  13. Hi Connie,
    Welcome, welcome! My son Addison is 3 and was diagnosed at 15 months old. I know how hard it is to have such a little one with type 1. There are so many extra challenges and I would imagine that you have extra, extra challenges managing two young diabetics at once. Know it does get better and easier with time and you will all be OK! You will be surprised at how much strength and courage it gives you and your family. We are all here whenever you need anything and you can find me at

  14. Hello and WELCOME Connie!!!

    I have 3 yr old twins - my son, Jacob was dx'd Nov 2008 at 27 months old.

    You are going to love being part of this amazing group of women! I just recently found them myself and it makes me wonder how I made it through the first year without their love & support.

    I look forward to "getting to know" you and your girls better through your blog. It sounds to me like you are one amazing D-Momma! =)

    (((Hugs))) to you and your family,
    Donna Kinzie

  15. OMGosh!

    You all are so amazing, I cannot tell you enough how wonderful it feels to have such a warm welcome from you all!!!

    Thank you to everyone who has stopped by to say hello! I think if my computer had arms it would be hugging me right now :)

  16. Sniff. Sniff. These dx stories are truly heartbreaking. Maybe because I KNOW- I know so much of the pain you're going through. Your story so similar to my own. I only have one child, though- D made that decision for us - I can not imagine having two. D hurts. It can rip your heart out. And then, sometimes, it's just life. Thanks for sharing. I hope you find comfort and strength here!!!

  17. To all you wonderful MOMS who have found each other to share your amazing stories. It sounds like you are all amazing. I pray that you all find comfort,hope,strength,and peace each day and how lucky your children are to have you.

    Connie's sister-in-law Nidi

  18. Connie:

    Your diagnosis stories are so incredibly touching. I've just come across your blog, and while I too read many D-Blogs, most are adult-oriented and I've just more recently started reading D-Mom and D-Parent blogs. From my perspective as a 31-year-old Type 1 diagnosed at age 5, this is why I advocate and do whatever I can for a cure. To stop these kinds of stories and family heartaches. One thing that you nailed on the head is to allow your girls to be kids first, but kids who also happen to have diabetes - not diabetic kids. It can become a regular way of life that doesn't have to dangerously interfere or keep them from their dreams. This whole D-Blogging universe is rapidly growing and is so incredibly like therapy, for those of us Adult PWD, who once were Kids with Diabetes, and hopefully we can all share our stories to connect and make a difference when needed. Look forward to seeing you around the Diabetes Online Community (DOC).

  19. Michael,

    Thank you so much for your wonderful comment, I am so thankful that I decided to start this blog and share our story. Like you said it is like therapy and I love to meet others who truly understand what life with diabetes is like. I think it is so great that we can all share our stories, lean on each other for support and learn from one another.

    Thank you for the encouraging words, I know for me as a parent it gives me great hope to hear positive stories from adults who are living with type 1 diabetes and truly understand what it is like to live with this. As a parent I can give them the love, care and protection that they need...but I will never fully understand what it feels like to spend a day in their shoes.

  20. Wow, I'm crying reading your dx stories. I too, have 2 children, although our story is just a little different. But I feel your pain. I know the pain of realizing that your second precious baby is being attacked with the same disease that the older one has. I cried for months after my baby was dx, but, like you, I started blogging. It is very theraputic for me and I love meeting all of the other D-bloggers out there and feeling the love and support. I will forever admire you for what you have to do each and every day for your little girls. Blessings to you.