Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Mommy Guilt

So today I am dealing with a little bit of mommy guilt...

Last night Lil Miss C woke up around midnight, not unusual for her, I had just went to sleep and was exhausted. I was so tired that I really didn't want to sit up with her in her room trying to get her to go back to sleep, so to make things easier for myself I decided to let her sleep with me...I know, I kinda took the easy way out on that one. The problem was this, it wasn't the easy way out after all. She kept tossing and turning all over the place, I couldn't sleep because every time I rolled over I found her hanging off the side of the bed about to fall out!

I couldn't sleep for NOTHING, I had my alarm set for 3:00am because I check my girls every night at that time and by 2:00am Lil Miss C was still keeping me up with her constant rolling around and I was at the end of my rope. I was starting to get so frustrated...then it happened...

"Mommy, I want some water." When Lil Miss C said this my heart sank, I thought oh my gosh, maybe it's her blood sugar that's causing her to be so restless!!! I checked her and...354...tears instantly filled my eyes because I felt like I should have known that's why she was so restless!!! Why didn't I think of that?! Instead I was so tired that all I could think about was me trying to get a few hours of sleep before my alarm goes off at 3:00am and here she is suffering with a really high blood sugar.

I am so mad at myself right now...anyone who knows me knows that I am almost obsessed with keeping track of the girls numbers, trying to keep them in check. And I am very intuitive...usually, when something is wrong with them. I don't know why I let that slip by me last night, it's hard for me to know that Lil Miss C was suffering right next to me and she wasn't able to tell me what she was feeling. She is only two years old and it's hard to communicate what is going on with her, I'm the one who tries to figure it out for her. Needless to say I was giving her insulin with a quickness and a big cup of water to try to help her feel better and bring down that number. Not a moment of glory for me, but a moment none the less.

I wanted to share with you all what it feels like to have a high blood sugar, (for those who don't know) I took this information off of the JDRF website:

High blood sugar generally does not immediately put the person with type 1 diabetes in danger. However, high blood sugar levels over long periods of time can lead to serious complications such as heart disease, blindness, kidney failure, and amputation.

Very high blood sugar levels can lead to diabetic ketoacidosis (DKA), or a "diabetic coma." DKA occurs when the cells can't get the energy they need from glucose, and the body begins to burn fat and body tissue for energy. This causes the release of byproducts called ketones, which are dangerous when released at high levels. Ketones become like poison to the body and are passed in the urine as they build up in the blood.

A person with type 1 diabetes and high blood sugar may exhibit one or more of the following symptoms:

  • Thirst (dehydration)
  • Frequent urination
  • Blurry vision
  • Stomach pain
  • Increased hunger
  • Nausea
  • Drowsiness, lethargy, exhaustion
  • Confusion
  • Sweating
  • Fruity, sweet, or wine-like odor on breath
  • Vomiting
  • Inability to concentrate
  • Weight loss (a longer term symptom) that eventually leads to coma

So...now you know why I feel like a crummy mommy today. Don't get me wrong, this is not the first time we have had a high number like this, I'm more upset at myself for not picking up on what was happening to her as she slept. I really didn't think her restlessness had anything to do with diabetes last night. Before bedtime she had a blood glucose of 77, the girls wanted some popcorn for their snack and they both were a bit low so I thought what better time to give them some. I measured out 10 grams of carbs worth of popcorn and gave that to Lil Miss C, an hour later I checked her and her blood sugar was at 99...I don't get it. I was wondering if anyone else has had a bad experience with popcorn? I'm thinking after last nights episode I may have to rid my home of that snack from now on!


  1. No bad popcorn experiences, but plenty of mommy guilt on my end to go around. :)

    Don't let it get to you. Things like this are live and learn. If we let it all get to us, well...we be completely useless! You can do the right thing all the time, and diabetes will still bite you in the bahootie. You are doing a wonderful job!

  2. We can never get popcorn right either. Or ice cream. :(

    I'm the queen of Mommy guilt....or, at least I used to be. This last year (of 3 years) I've learned alot in terms of the numbers really not being a reflection of ME. Of course, I still screw up sometimes, over treating a low or really causing a terrible high....those days the Queen of guilt resurfaces. ((HUGS)) I hear ya!

  3. I totally understand. I wouldn't beat yourself up too much. Sleep deprevation can cause our heads to be cloudy an not on top of things as we usually are. Hugs to you!

  4. I can safely say that I've been in your shoes, sleep deprivation can do that to you. Please don't beat yourself up over this - we've all made slips and we learn from them. Smile at yourself in the mirror, squeeze Lil Miss C and give yourself a hug from all of us.

  5. Yep - been there - know EXACTLY how you feel! As for popcorn - I think its almost impossible to get exactly the number of carbs in a serving. My measurements NEVER come out right with popcorn. Unfortunately my kids LOVE it - so I'm stuck guessing - which sometimes I guess wrong - and that leads to.... You Guessed It!! MOMMY GUILT. =)

  6. I've always used carb factors for popcorn (.56, I believe), and have had good results. Although I make homemade popcorn (on the stove, in olive oil). The hard part is factoring in the fiber content.

  7. Go easy on yourself. We all do things like that once in a while. It happens, and hey, you were tired.

    Popcorn hasn't given us any troubles, but as Joanne said, calculating the fiber is what I find difficult.

  8. Oh no! You cannot blame yourself for this - I know it's easier said than done and I find coping in the middle of the night so much harder than by the light of day. But that 300 was not your fault. Not picking up on her restlessness is not your fault. Remember all the times all your efforts got things right. Taking the place of a insulin secreting pancreas is a far stretch from easy or straightforward. There is only so much we can do. Hugs to you. :)