A Quick Rant

I just need to rant a little...just a little!

Last night was TERRIBLE! Miss E had a really rough night with her blood sugar numbers, no matter what I did it was really difficult to keep her under the 200 mark. Almost impossible! When she went to bed she was at a beautiful 154, not bad if I do say so. Around 11:00 pm I decided to check both my girls blood sugars and guess what I saw on Miss E's meter...390!!!

Yeah, I was pretty floored by that number. A quick trip to my kitchen for some insulin and I was back upstairs giving my poor girl a shot which woke her up and she was NOT happy about that. I continued to check her blood sugar and correct every few hours and we had a 318, something in the 200's and by the time she woke up...another number in the 200's!

Sigh...I just hate nights like that. Every time I would get up my husband would wake up, I felt a bit bad about that because he gets up so early for work. I used to have my husband check the girls blood sugars with me at the 3:00 am checks but because of his work schedule I decided it better if I do them on my own...he used to hold the flashlight while I poked their fingers...I have since mastered the art of holding a light and all my d-supplies all by myself in these late night checks!

So I would check on Lil Miss C and her numbers were great last night and they had the exact same things to eat that day and the same level of activity. Sometimes it just doesn't make sense.

So there's my quick rant...I wish we didn't have to deal with nights like this...thank goodness these nights are not a regular thing in our home!!! I always think of what those high numbers are doing to my little girls body. Just makes me wanna cry sometimes!

A Brand New Look!

"Do not be afraid of change, be afraid of not changing"

In my last post "What's in A Name?", I talked about that saying, I'm not sure many of you had a chance to read it because I published it just before blogger had some major technical issues and service was unavailable for quite some time. In that post I talked about how I am trying to use this as my new mantra and never allowing fear to direct my decisions...unless of course the fear is justified and whatever action I am contemplating could cause harm.

I want to push through my fears and do the things that make me happy...trying new things, overcoming obstacles, tackling projects I may have pushed to the side or pursuing things that would push me outside of my comfort zone.

So...when I saw the new templates that blogger just put out I thought, how fitting...I am trying new things in life, how about a new look to my blog!

Hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

What's In A Name?

card I received from my sister-in-law

Hope and Beginnings...I had a hard time trying to pick out a name for this blog, although I will probably talk about diabetes a lot, I know that I will be sharing things with you that have nothing to do with type 1 diabetes. Although, since my girls were diagnosed I believe that my direction in life and my passions have been changed to some degree because of it.

I still have all of the same values in life, but the things that I have always wanted to do, well...I don't think I would have done half of them if it weren't for T1. I know to some of you this may sound slightly ridiculous, so please bear with me.

About 15 years ago I sat down with my best friend and we each wrote a list...50 Things I Want To Do Before I Die...we were young, silly teenagers with big dreams!

Now, here I am fifteen years later and I have only done 5 things off of that list! I realize that many of us have written these kinds of lists and life, love and the everyday stuff just kind of takes over and at times gets in the way of our dreams...it's not that it is a bad life, it's just a different one then the one I had written down so long ago. I definitely never envisioned that I would have type 1 diabetes be a part of that life, now that it is, I really needed to sit down and think about what I want out of this new life...this life that includes syringes, test strips, insulin, low blood sugars and high blood sugars and everything in between.

I am learning a lesson about life these days, one that I would have rather learned on my own without my daughters having to be diagnosed with diabetes, but regardless...I am learning a lesson. For me the lesson is this...life is short, we never know what obstacles we will face and there has never been a better time then the present to just live it to the fullest!!!

So back to my list I wrote 15 years ago, I have since lost it and I am really trying hard to find it again because I would love to share with you what was on it...I think we all would have a good laugh, I know a large portion of it was all of the concerts I wanted to go to...something on many teenage minds I am sure! Another thing that I remember was I wanted to go skydiving...not anymore!!! It's funny how our interests and passions can change over time, I am now working on a new list and it is one that is very different then the one I wrote so long ago. My new list also has a new name...

"My Life List"

I spent many years only taking care of my family and putting my needs on the back burner, taking care of my kids is always my number one priority but I realize that my needs and my dreams are just as important and will probably make me a better mother, wife, friend etc. if I am doing the things that fill me up and spark creativity, joy and fulfillment in my life. When I realized that my daughters were going to have to live with diabetes for the rest of their life, I decided that I needed to be a better role model for them as to how they live that life. I wanted to be the person that shows my girls that no matter what life gives us, we can enjoy it and live it with great joy and fulfillment. I know that they will face a lot more obstacles then I could ever imagine and I don't want my girls to wait too long to do what makes them happy and I don't want them to ever feel like diabetes is going to get in the way of living it up to the fullest. I want them to live, love and do the things in life that give them great joy...and so do I.

So...HOPE...

• I am hopeful that a cure for diabetes will be found.
• I am hopeful that my blog will have a positive impact on other families faced with a type 1 diabetes diagnosis.
• I am hopeful that my blog will have a positive impact on ANYONE who stops by and takes the time to read .
• I am hopeful that my girls will live a long, healthy, happy life filled with all of their dreams realized.
• I am hopeful that in some way I may inspire others to do their part in making our world a better place, whether that is by encouraging people to volunteer, share their story or make a difference in any way.
• I am hopeful that this blog will inspire me
• I am hopeful...

And...BEGINNINGS...

• Beginning to live a fuller life.
• Beginning to try new things...what's the worst that could happen...I fail (SO WHAT)! I try something else.
• Beginning to connect with other families who are living with type 1 diabetes.
• Beginning to face my fears, it's kind of my new mantra...

"Do not be afraid of change, be afraid of not changing."

My sister-in-law sent me a card with that saying on the front if it, this was over three years ago and I still have it on my fridge, it inspires me daily. After T1 entered our lives it had an even greater impact on me and on how I lived my life.

• Beginning to live in the moment...don't let those beautiful little moments go by unrecognized.
• Beginning to open myself up to the possibility...of what I'm not sure...just waiting to find out.

So that is what's in a name, I'm sure that it will continue to grow with me, but for now I think that kind of sums it up.

Hope and Beginnings...I hope you will join me for the journey!

Dream A Little Dream

D-blog week was amazing, I was doing so good at posting everyday until this weekend...life took center stage and I wasn't able to finish the week off. I have been thinking a lot about the last subject...

DREAM A LITTLE DREAM...

Imagine there is a tiny little pill that you could swallow and *poof* type 1 diabetes is cured, no more insulin, no more blood glucose tests...no more diabetes.

What would you do that first day of your life after type 1 diabetes was cured?

This has been incredibly difficult for me to imagine...it is what I want so desperately for my kids, yet I hardly ever sit down and truly think about life after diabetes, I guess I am too busy living life with diabetes. I have been very active in raising money to fund research for a cure, I try to educate my family, friends, strangers and anyone who will listen to me about type 1 diabetes...

But I have never let myself go to that place...

That place where I really feel the emotions connected to my daughters being cured, I want it SO badly...I ache for it...

But I don't imagine it.

I have hope that the day will come, I believe in a cure, I just don't fantasize about that day...but today I will.

THE CURE...

~I would cry...sob is more like it.

~I would hug my two girls and hang on for dear life and never let go...they might think I'm crazy but I don't care!

~I would take my girls out for the day and not pack a bag full of diabetes supplies and snacks, then 20 minutes into our outing I would probably have a panic attack because I forgot all of our "stuff"...wait a minute, that's right, we don't need it anymore!

~I would take them out to eat and not worry about carbs...then we would order dessert!

~I would let them stay up late and eat loads and loads of popcorn!

~Then let them sleep in till 10:00 am...or later!!!

~I would go to bed and actually fall asleep without worrying that something terrible may happen to them while I sleep.

~I wouldn't set my alarm clock for 1:00 am or 3:00 am...or at all!!!

~I would stop going into their bedrooms at night to check and make sure they are still breathing.

~I would thank the Lord and all the powers that be for blessing us with this magnificent cure!

~I would sit down and write a letter of thanks and praise for every.single.person who EVER donated to JDRF, walked for a cure or simply spread the word about T1D or said a prayer for my kids.

~I would sleep for 8 hours straight and not wake up once...that is unless someone needs a glass of water or needs to use the bathroom. Let face it, with toddlers sleep is a luxury, diabetes or no diabetes.

Man...as I am sitting here writing all of the things I imagine we would do that first day a cure was found I feel like I could write a thousand things we would do, but when it comes down to it I would just be thankful. Thankful that I don't have to worry about the challenges that my girls faced, thankful that the devastating complications from type 1 would be a thing of the past, thankful that they were healthy again.

It is almost too much to imagine...I do want it so badly for them, it's why we have participated in JDRF's Walk to Cure Diabetes from the beginning and always will until a cure is found.

It's why I try to raise money and awareness, I want a cure, I want my girls to know what life without diabetes is like.

I will always actively pursue a cure and do all that I can as a parent to make it happen, but I will not torture myself with the "if only they were cured". I want them to live the life they have to the fullest, here and now, with diabetes...until that cure is found.

Lets Get Moving

Day 5- Lets get Moving

I have two daughters who are 2 years old and 4 years old, they are very active and love to play. We spend a lot of time in our back yard where they have a huge play set that they love to climb on, slide down and swing on. This has worked out great for me because when it comes to being active and their blood sugars, I just never know what's going to happen with them.

A perfect example of this was recently I took my kids in the back yard to play, they were running around having a blast. About 30 minutes into their playtime Miss E asked me if I would push her on the swing, I had just started swinging her when she told me that she was hot and she wanted me to stop pushing her. Then she said she was tired and that she wanted to go inside the house, looking at her I knew something was wrong. I had Lil Miss C in her baby swing so I was trying to quickly unfasten her belt and get inside to Miss E who had made a bee line for the house. By the time I got to the back door I saw Miss E sitting on the kitchen floor, I grabbed her blood glucose meter and started to get it ready when suddenly Miss E just dropped down on the floor and said she felt dizzy. She was lying there on her back and all of the color had drained from her face, I could feel my heart start to race and my hands where shaking.

It was a terrible low, one of the worst so far...38...I had to hold her head up while I gave her a juice box, she cried and told me she felt sick.

It was scary, but I was thankful it happened in our own back yard and I was able to take care of her. We have a park that is just a few blocks away, every time I take the kids there I always bring their meters and juice boxes...you just never know.

I don't have the girls in organized sports yet so I am not sure how that will play out in the future for them and their diabetes. I have Miss E signed up for swim lessons this summer, from what I have read on some of the other d-blogs...swimming can be a nightmare on their blood sugars. Time will tell, I think it's a little bit of a learning curve and a little bit of luck when it comes to figuring out how different activities will affect their blood sugars. I used the word "luck" because some days diabetes just doesn't behave...even when you are doing everything "right".

I'm just hoping that swimming will be kind to my girls :) It is something that Miss E is really looking forward to.

To Carb Or Not To Carb?

It's day 4 of Diabetes Blog week and our subject is...

TO CARB...OR NOT TO CARB...

In my house I love a good routine, my kids eat every meal and every snack at about the same time every day. I am not a super rigid D-momma, we do get spontaneous once in awhile, but I do love the way a regular schedule keeps my girls blood sugar levels happy...or happier, let's face it...some days you can do everything "right" and the big D will slap you in the face with a crazy high or scary low blood sugar number!

I do let my girls eat carbs but I like to do it in moderation, luckily for me my girls are HUGE veggie lovers!!! I am not even kidding you when I say that my girls would rather eat steamed broccoli then buttery mashed potatoes. They love carrots, celery, green beans and salad without dressing! OH...how did I get so lucky :)

The truth of the matter is this, before diabetes entered our lives I didn't really give my children junk food, juice or loads of high carb stuff. The carbs that I would feed my kids where things like whole wheat bread, brown rice and pasta, we also eat a lot of fruit which tends to have plenty of carbs in it. That was something that I wanted to do for them to set them up for a healthy future...who would of thought diabetes would be a part of our healthy future I envisioned?! But I am thankful for the choices we made, because when D became a part of our daily lives I didn't feel like I was depriving my girls of their favorite foods or drinks.

I like to let my kids have an occasional cookie, chips or pizza night, when we have pizza I always serve it with a healthy salad on the side and some milk. I don't want to deprive them or create a negative feeling towards the foods they want or like. A CDE once told us that it is better to let your kids have the occasional bowl of real ice cream or slice of birthday cake because we don't want them to have a future where they sneak these things and feel guilt over the food they eat. As long as we give them the appropriate amount of insulin, carbs are not a bad word in our home. I feel like for my family we can have carbs at every meal as long as I balance it out with veggies and protein.

This is how we roll in our house...everyone does it different and I respect the choices of others who are fighting the daily battle with D, we each have to find what works for us.

My Biggest Supporter

It is day 3 of Diabetes Blog week and the topic is "My Biggest Supporter"

Today I want to share with you the person who has been my rock, my biggest supporter since that very first day that type 1 diabetes became a regular part of my vocabulary. Here's the dilemma...

I can't pick just one!!!

I have a few people in my life who have been instrumental in keeping me sane, lifting my spirits in moments of despair, showing me that life goes on and my girls will be okay. They have laughed with me, cried with me, cursed diabetes and rolled with the curve balls that D has thrown our way.

They have been my D-angels, blessings in my life and irreplaceable.

D-Angel #1-

My husband, Richard...

He has been by my side from the moment we first heard the words "your daughter has diabetes". He cried with me, he held me, he was strong for me when I could barely hold myself together. He has picked up prescriptions, done 3:00 am blood sugar checks so that I could sleep... even though his alarm was set to go off at 4:30 am so he could get ready for work. He has been there through it all, without him I would be lost and I am thankful to have him in my life. He is an amazing father to my girls, he loves them unconditionally and I am blessed to call him my man :) I love you honey!

D-Angel #2-

My best friend, K...

She is truly the ultimate best friend...we live over 1,ooo miles apart from each other but I never feel more then a phone call away. When we talk I feel like she is in the room with me, sipping coffee and crying, laughing or contemplating life with me. She has a way of making it all feel okay...even on my lowest of low days she can make me smile and help me see the brighter side of life. She will let me talk for hours about diabetes and never make me feel like I am boring her with talk about my daughters blood glucose numbers or diabetes facts :) She always wants to know more. I know that we will be BFF's until we are old and gray and I look forward to many more years of friendship with her...luv ya K!

D-Angel #3-

My sister-in-law, N...

Not only is she my sister-in-law, but she is godmother to both of my daughters. She is a true D-Angel for my girls, they adore her and love her so much. She has always made a huge effort to be a constant part of my girls lives, we don't live in the same state but you wouldn't know it by the way the girls talk about their nina. You would think she lived next door to us. She has not only been an angel to my kids but she has been a huge source of support for me too. We talk on the phone weekly and she is always quick to offer love and support on those tough days when I am on the brink of a serious cry-fest. Thank you N, for the constant love and friendship you have given me.

I have so many others who have been a huge source of love and support, nieces, nephews, moms and dads...grandpas' and grandma's, nana's and everyone in-between. I am thankful for all of you in my life who have never given up on me or my family, you have loved us and given me the support and friendship I have so desperately needed. You all know who you are :)

A true friend is someone who will always be there for you...even when you have nothing more to offer them then love...

The greatest gift ever.