Friday, April 23, 2010
It was just before bedtime and I was about to give the girls their Lantus. As I was getting ready to give Miss E her shot she looked at me with the saddest eyes, sat on the kitchen floor and began to cry. She started to tell me that she didn't want diabetes anymore, she wanted to be "regular" like her daddy and mommy. She said that she wanted to go back to the way she used to be when she was little...now remember, she is only 4 years old and she is talking about her life before diabetes. It broke my heart, this wasn't the first time she has done this. Almost a year ago we had a similar conversation with her... I will save that story for another post. But it felt like I had stepped back in time and was reliving that awful night with her. She rarely complains about diabetes, which is why it caught me off guard that evening.
My husband and I make a strong effort to never speak badly about diabetes in front of her or her sister, we don't want them to feel ashamed, different, sick or broken...we try to lift them up, give the girls a positive image about themselves. I know that even with the efforts that we make, Miss E will still see the differences in herself from others. Like how she says she wants to be like me and her daddy, she knows we don't take insulin, we don't check our blood sugar... she does.
It took all of my strength not to break down and cry with her on that kitchen floor, all I could do was hold her, tell her how much I loved her and give her hugs. I saved my tears for after she was asleep. I asked her to always tell me what she was feeling and that mommy would be there for her. She then asked me if her diabetes would go away when she grew up...man diabetes sucks!
So that night as I was sitting in Lil Miss C's rocking chair, waiting for her to drift off to sleep I realized that it was Miss E's 2 year anniversary with T1...it had almost passed and I hadn't even thought about it until I was sitting there reflecting on Miss E's conversation with me earlier. It amazes me how quickly time passes, in that same sentence I will dare to say that it has also been the longest two years of my life.
So...two years down, and many, many more to go...
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Last night Lil Miss C woke up around midnight, not unusual for her, I had just went to sleep and was exhausted. I was so tired that I really didn't want to sit up with her in her room trying to get her to go back to sleep, so to make things easier for myself I decided to let her sleep with me...I know, I kinda took the easy way out on that one. The problem was this, it wasn't the easy way out after all. She kept tossing and turning all over the place, I couldn't sleep because every time I rolled over I found her hanging off the side of the bed about to fall out!
I couldn't sleep for NOTHING, I had my alarm set for 3:00am because I check my girls every night at that time and by 2:00am Lil Miss C was still keeping me up with her constant rolling around and I was at the end of my rope. I was starting to get so frustrated...then it happened...
"Mommy, I want some water." When Lil Miss C said this my heart sank, I thought oh my gosh, maybe it's her blood sugar that's causing her to be so restless!!! I checked her and...354...tears instantly filled my eyes because I felt like I should have known that's why she was so restless!!! Why didn't I think of that?! Instead I was so tired that all I could think about was me trying to get a few hours of sleep before my alarm goes off at 3:00am and here she is suffering with a really high blood sugar.
I am so mad at myself right now...anyone who knows me knows that I am almost obsessed with keeping track of the girls numbers, trying to keep them in check. And I am very intuitive...usually, when something is wrong with them. I don't know why I let that slip by me last night, it's hard for me to know that Lil Miss C was suffering right next to me and she wasn't able to tell me what she was feeling. She is only two years old and it's hard to communicate what is going on with her, I'm the one who tries to figure it out for her. Needless to say I was giving her insulin with a quickness and a big cup of water to try to help her feel better and bring down that number. Not a moment of glory for me, but a moment none the less.
I wanted to share with you all what it feels like to have a high blood sugar, (for those who don't know) I took this information off of the JDRF website:
High blood sugar generally does not immediately put the person with type 1 diabetes in danger. However, high blood sugar levels over long periods of time can lead to serious complications such as heart disease, blindness, kidney failure, and amputation.
Very high blood sugar levels can lead to diabetic ketoacidosis (DKA), or a "diabetic coma." DKA occurs when the cells can't get the energy they need from glucose, and the body begins to burn fat and body tissue for energy. This causes the release of byproducts called ketones, which are dangerous when released at high levels. Ketones become like poison to the body and are passed in the urine as they build up in the blood.
A person with type 1 diabetes and high blood sugar may exhibit one or more of the following symptoms:
- Thirst (dehydration)
- Frequent urination
- Blurry vision
- Stomach pain
- Increased hunger
- Drowsiness, lethargy, exhaustion
- Fruity, sweet, or wine-like odor on breath
- Inability to concentrate
- Weight loss (a longer term symptom) that eventually leads to coma
So...now you know why I feel like a crummy mommy today. Don't get me wrong, this is not the first time we have had a high number like this, I'm more upset at myself for not picking up on what was happening to her as she slept. I really didn't think her restlessness had anything to do with diabetes last night. Before bedtime she had a blood glucose of 77, the girls wanted some popcorn for their snack and they both were a bit low so I thought what better time to give them some. I measured out 10 grams of carbs worth of popcorn and gave that to Lil Miss C, an hour later I checked her and her blood sugar was at 99...I don't get it. I was wondering if anyone else has had a bad experience with popcorn? I'm thinking after last nights episode I may have to rid my home of that snack from now on!